First, take two corned beef sandwiches and post them on YouTube. While everybody is eating, dial your cable company from a long distance phone booth and ask for their service advertising department. They won’t be able to connect you. With nowhere else to go, backwash fills up the pipes that connect to central switching. Nobody can Google. Start a petition to ban paper. Now new bookmarks can’t be formed and through attrition, the few remaining ones disappear. Trademark the color blue. In a few months, most online stores go belly up. Repeat, substituting green for blue.
What if there was a guy sitting in a room somewhere drinking dog juice who decided if you lived or died? Let’s say that after your plane rolls a few times, spilling luggage and cocktails, you’re going straight down. You can see the city lights getting closer, turning into grids of streets. You’re thinking: This Is It, but this guy laughs in his room somewhere and twists a knob. “Let’s keep him around a while longer,” he says to nobody in particular. You swing back to the horizontal. The engines quit their screaming.
Objection! Too much good god for us to believe in. Can’t place our faith and fate in the hands of a guy with dark framed glasses at a blinking console of lights. Also – we live in an era of systematic rationality and laws of physics are not to be trifled with.
But what if this guy exists? He sits in a room inside your head, wraps wires around your plans and emotions. His bones are the same color as yours, the same color as God’s for that matter. Okay, he can’t change gravity into wine and usually, he’s circumspect, maybe even unremarkable. But when your metaphorical plane is in a dive – maybe you’re under a lot of stress and think it’s never going to get better – it’s refreshing when this guy (let’s call him Charles) flips a few electrical breakers on the big board of your brain and your heart. Instead of spiraling into a block party of bodies, you get off at the next stop and go about your life – and not as if nothing had happened but exactly like something special had.
Gene Krupa and his orchestra performing the classic Drum Boogie, from the movie Ball of Fire (1941) starring Barbara Stanwyck and Gary Cooper. Fun movie!
Saw this ad on Craig's list. Wow! If only I had a pickup truck (and knew how to fix this thing)...
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