Feeble Easy Money Internet Tale

by Victor David Sandiego | Created: Mar 14, 2018


Movie: Hacker. Just go to darkweb.com and signup

Hey. Maybe it’s just me but I hate crime movies where the criminals are a bunch of dumb asses. Like this one. In fairness, it’s not so much that their character is stupid, but that the script calls for stupid things in order to advance the plot.

See, the main hacker kid was supposed to be brainy and knowledgeable, even if he doesn’t know hacking exactly. More like a bunch of idiotic clichés like all you gotta do is cruise on over to darkweb.com and create an account.

Anyway, some Columbian guy forgets his credit card in a strip club so Mr. Hacker and his beer buzz buddy decide to use it to withdraw a bunch of cash. It’s a very high end card, but it’s too dangerous to use more than once. Beer Buzz and Hacker agree. One big score, no more. Good times.

Months later in the movie, someone decided that they need to push the plot sideways and get a little bathroom blood revenge porn splashed all over Beer Buzz. The easiest way to go is to have Beer Buzz use the dangerous credit card again so Mr. Columbian, who thoughtfully never canceled the card, can get a line on the stupids.

Let’s see. If you used a high end credit card for a one time scam and vowed to never use it again, why would you then keep it? Surely you’d cut it up into little strips and toss it in the garbage with the cold Chinese food.

Then there’s the girl (we gotta have a girl) with the mysterious uncle who’s always finding them the perfect clients for the stuff they buy with stolen credit cards. Little much for Ms. 18, maybe 19, to have such deep contacts all over the place, including the other side of the world when the gang finally lights out for Hong Kong, but somehow Hacker Boy is okay with it all and just wants to trust her. Beer Buzz knows something’s hinky, but gets outvoted.

Then much later Hacker needs to use an internet café in Thailand. Take this credit card he says to the clerk, as if he needed to risk using a stolen card to save maybe a buck. We’re talking Thailand for Christ’s sake, not the internet they charge you extra for at Motel 6, but another plot move was needed and of course said credit card bounces and police arrive to throw Hacker Boy in jail for two years. No bad-ass tattooed cellmate at least, Hacker gets a cell all to himself. Pretty nice in Thailand jails, huh?

Anyway, one day they set him free, hand him a box of his stuff that somehow disappears in the next shot, and he goes outside where Ms. 18, maybe 19 narrates the mysterious uncle explanation, and hands Hacker boy a new passport – all while standing practically in front of the two guards with automatic weapons outside the jail exit. These are the sort of things that make a movie like this so lame, and should have caused all involved to be tossed in the clinker in the first ten minutes.

Tags: Movie