A Change of Heart

by Victor David Sandiego | Created: Mar 12, 2017

It’s hard to admit I was wrong about Donnie Trump. I thought he was just a toddler, pushing more yellow drops into his diaper every time he demanded attention.

I was wrong. He’s turned out to be a very fine so-called president. He gave a speech the other day and stayed on the teleprompter. I was very proud. He didn’t play with his poop. Good boy. 

Truth is I’m tired of trying to keep up with the haters who are down on PJ Trump because of some traitorous Russian connection or some goddamn daily disprovable lie. So what? If we cared about truth and democracy, we would have elected someone else.

DJ is a mastermind who only pretends to be a dunce. He may be stupid, and can’t spell a three letter word, but he’s got a secret to his success. He said it himself that you can’t let the bad dudes see you coming. And who could be worse?

than Ma Smith of Nebraska who isn’t a dude exactly but who’s about to lose her health insurance and go on a rampage against the duly elected government? She must die.

Or Jack Coal Miner of Virginia who can’t send an email without stroking the dog’s ass and doesn’t know SMTP from POP. He’s contemplating Donny’s empty promises while he oils his gun. If we ever needed a law against thinking, the time

is now. Seriously, who worries about China rebuilding the highways to make a president’s friends rich? If you can get to the 7-11 and back without blowing a tire, what difference  the color of the asphalt? It’s only one more beer for the toll. If your brother puts a gun to his head and slowly squeezes because he can’t pay the mounting cost of living and feels there is nowhere else to go, blame

a previous president. Any one of them will do.*

Truth is


but that must not get in our way. The alternative fact of misery due to being fucked over by a man who claims to stand for you is happiness due to the things you want to be true.

Donald J. has demonstrated his commitment. I could lick a camel’s ass and feel no more disgusted. Yet, you are loyal if you are loyal, citizens. It won’t make you rich, but at least you may stay out of jail.

* offer void unless name begins with Barrack or Bill.